Monday, February 3, 2014

Don't Bet the Under or Try to Dance Like Bruno Mars

So I begged you guys to take the under in my January 31st blog.
Yep. I never said I was infallible. Well maybe once when I was fifteen and I thought "infallible" meant STD free, but….  I'm human. I'm not God, who apparently wanted Russell Wilson to win more than Peyton Manning.Wilson didn't go full Kurt Warner, but dammit Russell, if God liked short guys so much Herve Villechaize would still have a TV show. (He's dead, so 16 year old girls would think he's hot).
If you took the under, you lost, but you can't really sue me. I'm pretty sure you can't sue the gambling services that you pay for.
I am sorry, but I'm by no means devastated like I'm the Broncos clubhouse attendant or the owner of The Olive Garden in Secaucus, where the Broncos were supposed to have their victory party.
I only have a few hobbies, and one of them is watching and occasionally (constantly) wagering on sports.
This football season I made a profit of a little over $200, or less than it cost Pam Oliver to get her hair did*1 for "The Big Game"*2.
But gambling is still a great hobby and I can't imagine not doing it. I'm sorry if you lost money based on my recommendation. The internet is a fucking convention of snake oil salesmen, and I guess now I'm one of them. It's not like Coke or Bud Light will change your life, but they tried to convince you of that 20 times tonight.
Pete Carroll wouldn't have told his best friend in confidence that he thought his Legion of Boom defense was gonna hold Peyton Manning and the Broncos "Force Mature" offense to 8 points, then shatter the over (47 at kickoff) with a defensive touchdown, a special teams touchdown, and a safety. 43 points for the Seahawks ? Lewis Carroll couldn't have written that with a straight face.
So football season is over for the year. The Space Needle might be on fire right now, for all I know. I'm not gonna watch a lot of post-game recaps. I've gotta start researching my Olympic Biathlon and Short Track Speedskating picks, so I can cost you your lunch money on those too.




*1. I know it's "hair done". "Hair did" is an urban colloquialism.Colloquialism= I'm still at my under for unnecessarily big words.
*2. "The Big Game" is what commercial ventures who don't tithe Roger Goodell are supposed to call the Super Bowl. Roger Goodell can blow me.

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