I do not know anyone who has actually played fantasy football and hated it. I know lots of people who say they hate it or it's stupid or lame or the same things they said in 8th grade about the story of the furry footed creature on an adventure with dwarves that is crushing box offices right now. Somewhere along the line, people gave up on their uninformed opinion and gave it a try.
I really don't understand what the turn off to fantasy football is in the first place.
It involves getting together with friends and acquaintances, in most cases consuming a few beverages and trying to prove that you are smarter than everyone else. That's been happening at cocktail parties since before Marvin Harrison's great great great grandfather William Henry was president. Except with fantasy football, you get to wager on it.
It's not like I'm banging on your door on a Saturday morning and trying to get you to fire up on Awake and The Watchtower just so next Saturday you gotta bang on somebody's door and try to get them to fire up on Awake and The Watchtower. Everyone I know who has played fantasy football keeps playing it, and you don't go to hell if you quit, even though you won't.
No more bitching about Millen. You are "Millen". You draft the players. Much like leaving the house of the young lady who was the Girl with Your Tanqueray Eyes the night before and wakes up looking like the guy who fixed your brakes, you get to hate yourself.
No more bitching about Schwartz or Harbaugh or Andy Reid. You are those guys. If Matt Forte isn't playing up to the lofty standards you set for yourself back when you played half a season of Pop Warner until your aunt got the night shift at the strip club and all of a sudden you had Madden and quit, then you don't have to start Matt Forte. Cool thing about fantasy football, is you don't have to listen to Matt Forte bitch about it.
One of the big excuses I hear is "I just like real football." Except you're lying. I see you at the bar during the Sunday night game and you're playing the jukebox, or you're on Facebook freaking out because two zombies from the Walking Dead just stumbled into Homeland while Dexter was taking care of his kid until another moonshine deal turned into a gunfight on Boardwalk Empire. You like one team, maybe two. Or you spend half your paycheck wagering on one game
that your college roommate knows all about because he banged the cheerleading coach's sister after the St. Patrick's Day parade. Now you're an all your eggs in one basket case. Fantasy football: Every single game on the schedule can mean something to the outcome of your league for one low price.
After I factor in what I've won, my fantasy leagues this year have cost me a grand total of $45 and I'm publishing this blog right now, because somebody somewhere just came in their pants because they drafted the San Francisco 49ers defense...
I really don't understand what the turn off to fantasy football is in the first place.
It involves getting together with friends and acquaintances, in most cases consuming a few beverages and trying to prove that you are smarter than everyone else. That's been happening at cocktail parties since before Marvin Harrison's great great great grandfather William Henry was president. Except with fantasy football, you get to wager on it.
It's not like I'm banging on your door on a Saturday morning and trying to get you to fire up on Awake and The Watchtower just so next Saturday you gotta bang on somebody's door and try to get them to fire up on Awake and The Watchtower. Everyone I know who has played fantasy football keeps playing it, and you don't go to hell if you quit, even though you won't.
No more bitching about Millen. You are "Millen". You draft the players. Much like leaving the house of the young lady who was the Girl with Your Tanqueray Eyes the night before and wakes up looking like the guy who fixed your brakes, you get to hate yourself.
No more bitching about Schwartz or Harbaugh or Andy Reid. You are those guys. If Matt Forte isn't playing up to the lofty standards you set for yourself back when you played half a season of Pop Warner until your aunt got the night shift at the strip club and all of a sudden you had Madden and quit, then you don't have to start Matt Forte. Cool thing about fantasy football, is you don't have to listen to Matt Forte bitch about it.
One of the big excuses I hear is "I just like real football." Except you're lying. I see you at the bar during the Sunday night game and you're playing the jukebox, or you're on Facebook freaking out because two zombies from the Walking Dead just stumbled into Homeland while Dexter was taking care of his kid until another moonshine deal turned into a gunfight on Boardwalk Empire. You like one team, maybe two. Or you spend half your paycheck wagering on one game
that your college roommate knows all about because he banged the cheerleading coach's sister after the St. Patrick's Day parade. Now you're an all your eggs in one basket case. Fantasy football: Every single game on the schedule can mean something to the outcome of your league for one low price.
After I factor in what I've won, my fantasy leagues this year have cost me a grand total of $45 and I'm publishing this blog right now, because somebody somewhere just came in their pants because they drafted the San Francisco 49ers defense...
You know someone just saw their fantasy football zenith on their Zenith with the Pick 6, oh how that turned many a tide tonight. That's what puts the fan in fantasy. Per usual, good post.
ReplyDeleteThanks. I'm sure there was much rejoicing and much despair.Helluva way to put an exclamation point on Candlestick.
Delete