...And This Paddle Game, and a Date With Alex Morgan and...

I never understood the song "The 12 Days of Christmas". I was raised Catholic, so I always thought there were only three days of Christmas: Christmas Eve, when you get drunk and go to Midnight Mass, Christmas, when you open presents and eat turkey and ham and a bunch of cookies with little silver balls on them that apparently aren't edible any other time of the year, and the 26th, when the consumerists in your family go bargain hunting while you watch some third tier bowl game featuring two 6-5 teams from the Plains states and drink the wine that people quietly refused to drink the night before.
Besides, pear trees probably don't thrive in Michigan (this isn't a botany blog, I could be wrong) and the only Partridge I want is a 19 year old Susan Dey.
But the following is what I would like for Christmas. I don't expect you to sing it.
-The Detroit Red Wings to make it through the season without having to sign Ned Braden and Doug Dorsey

 and to keep the playoff streak alive. Not only is it a great streak, it means a shitload of actual real cash to the people who bartend Downtown.
-The Detroit area to get a regular, annual stop on the PGA Tour. If you know me, I might not strike you as the type of guy who likes golf. I do. I also like capybaras, and most people don't even know what those are, so blow me.
-The Pistons to buy the Packard Plant and build an arena there. It would be like a modern day Wrigley Field (I swear there are some nice, well kept neighborhoods right near that megatagged monstrosity).
-Jim Leyland to enjoy his retirement and be proud of all the stuff he accomplished in baseball. I want this gift wrapped in Mike Mouyianis Not Kicking My Ass brand wrapping paper.
-The NFL to quit playing regular season games in England until the Premier League schedules a few Tottenham Hotspur v Arsenal matches in the U.S. Preferably at Wayne State.
-And I never, ever, ever want anyone to remake Bull Durham or Slapshot.
There's the list. Aren't ya glad you don't have to go to the mall to ignore it ? Yeah, It's not 12. I'm not a greedy dick, and if it was a song, I wouldn't want it to be longer than 2 1/2 minutes.

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