The Lions hired Jim Caldwell to drive Ford's Little Engine That Couldn't. I've had a few days to think about this, obviously, and while it's supposed to be prudent to let things sink in an examine all the facts and nuances of an issue, I really would like to step into the 2 Day Back Machine...
Mr. Mayhew didn't even interview
Mike Sherman.
…and see what kind of vitriolic mayhem I would have unleashed. Because I much prefer vitriolic mayhem to resigned depression, which is kinda where I am now with the Caldwell hiring. I guess the average American sports fan would say "You still give a fuck about the Lions ? Of course you have resigned, dreary, hopeless depression you moron, you take 16 doses of the little silver and blue depressant every season."
I do. And Detroit obviously isn't a very uplifting destination for anyone with any true coaching success, because with the exception of the hysteria Tony Dungy created by saying he didn't want to coach again BUT IF he did, etcetera, there was never a moment when it seemed like Detroit was gonna get a guy who had a ring as a head coach (Billick, Gruden, Cowher, et.al were all technically available) And as far as I'm concerned, Tony Dungy can take out his own rib and give himself some primetime network headset, because he only won one ring with one of the greatest QB's ever.
So now we have the underling of the guy who squandered a decade of Peyton Manning's career, a guy who in 8 years at Wake Forest won a whopping 26 games, (but he did win the Aloha Bowl, so I guess that means we just have to lei here and take it).
The new rallying cry of the Lions slappies (a term I have never liked but will use for lack of a better one*) is "give Caldwell a chance." The thing is that that philosophy is okay in sports that play 80+ games a season. It doesn't apply to football. With the current contracts and players, the Lions have to win soon (ahahahahahahaha…..whimper….sob).
I'd rather have a complete unknown…I think Evel Knievel could have sold even more tickets if he had come out and said "I am going to jump a huge assload of shit. A whole bunch of really big, long, scary shit with jagged metal parts I really don't wanna land on. Come see me try it at the Astrodome."
In a perfect world, the Fords would have
sold the team to the guy who owns Little Caesar's Palace
I guarantee he would have sold the joint out.
If the Lions have said "_______ has no head coaching experience, but we like the way he thinks, he's done a great job as coordinator at five different places and he's gonna put this infuriating 53 piece puzzle together", people would have howled, called the radio, their congressman and Gambler's Anonymous and Valentine Vodka ( to see if they delivered), but there would have been some joy in the mystery. Now, the best thing we can say is that he was on the sideline for one Lombardi trophy with a QB who was groomed by Cam Cameron and only one Lombardi Trophy with a guy in his prime who now is almost eligible to join the AARP, who has been cut into more times than Maggie Gyllenhaal in The Secretary and is on the verge of winning one more.
"It's a note from Sammy Watkins' agent. It says he ain't gonna be around at #10."
Jim Caldwell made a tepid little tape for Lions fans telling them what they already know: There are some beasts on defense and some exciting players on offense.
Duh. We would like to know what you plan on doing with them so that there are playoff tickets at will call.
In that tape, and in interviews, he comes off as an earnest, pleasant guy.
That counts for a ton in a next door neighbor, and for not jack shit in the NFL.
I sincerely want to write a long, public letter next December, apologizing to this nice man for having no faith in him. And I promise you, I will. I won't deliver it on my hands and knees…on second thought, if Jim Caldwell is the head coach of the Detroit Lions and guides them to the NFC Championship game within the next two years--they don't even have to win the damn thing-I will deliver a letter of apology to Jim Caldwell on my hands and knees.
*I own up to being a slappy as it is currently defined. In some circles, I'm even considered the Kelly Slater of slappies, which in the scheme of things is better than being considered the A.C. Slater of slappies.
Mike Sherman.
…and see what kind of vitriolic mayhem I would have unleashed. Because I much prefer vitriolic mayhem to resigned depression, which is kinda where I am now with the Caldwell hiring. I guess the average American sports fan would say "You still give a fuck about the Lions ? Of course you have resigned, dreary, hopeless depression you moron, you take 16 doses of the little silver and blue depressant every season."
I do. And Detroit obviously isn't a very uplifting destination for anyone with any true coaching success, because with the exception of the hysteria Tony Dungy created by saying he didn't want to coach again BUT IF he did, etcetera, there was never a moment when it seemed like Detroit was gonna get a guy who had a ring as a head coach (Billick, Gruden, Cowher, et.al were all technically available) And as far as I'm concerned, Tony Dungy can take out his own rib and give himself some primetime network headset, because he only won one ring with one of the greatest QB's ever.
So now we have the underling of the guy who squandered a decade of Peyton Manning's career, a guy who in 8 years at Wake Forest won a whopping 26 games, (but he did win the Aloha Bowl, so I guess that means we just have to lei here and take it).
The new rallying cry of the Lions slappies (a term I have never liked but will use for lack of a better one*) is "give Caldwell a chance." The thing is that that philosophy is okay in sports that play 80+ games a season. It doesn't apply to football. With the current contracts and players, the Lions have to win soon (ahahahahahahaha…..whimper….sob).
I'd rather have a complete unknown…I think Evel Knievel could have sold even more tickets if he had come out and said "I am going to jump a huge assload of shit. A whole bunch of really big, long, scary shit with jagged metal parts I really don't wanna land on. Come see me try it at the Astrodome."
sold the team to the guy who owns Little Caesar's Palace
I guarantee he would have sold the joint out.
If the Lions have said "_______ has no head coaching experience, but we like the way he thinks, he's done a great job as coordinator at five different places and he's gonna put this infuriating 53 piece puzzle together", people would have howled, called the radio, their congressman and Gambler's Anonymous and Valentine Vodka ( to see if they delivered), but there would have been some joy in the mystery. Now, the best thing we can say is that he was on the sideline for one Lombardi trophy with a QB who was groomed by Cam Cameron and only one Lombardi Trophy with a guy in his prime who now is almost eligible to join the AARP, who has been cut into more times than Maggie Gyllenhaal in The Secretary and is on the verge of winning one more.
Jim Caldwell made a tepid little tape for Lions fans telling them what they already know: There are some beasts on defense and some exciting players on offense.
Duh. We would like to know what you plan on doing with them so that there are playoff tickets at will call.
In that tape, and in interviews, he comes off as an earnest, pleasant guy.
That counts for a ton in a next door neighbor, and for not jack shit in the NFL.
I sincerely want to write a long, public letter next December, apologizing to this nice man for having no faith in him. And I promise you, I will. I won't deliver it on my hands and knees…on second thought, if Jim Caldwell is the head coach of the Detroit Lions and guides them to the NFC Championship game within the next two years--they don't even have to win the damn thing-I will deliver a letter of apology to Jim Caldwell on my hands and knees.
*I own up to being a slappy as it is currently defined. In some circles, I'm even considered the Kelly Slater of slappies, which in the scheme of things is better than being considered the A.C. Slater of slappies.
I can't wait to peruse Woodward Avenue for the ultimate sweater vest.
ReplyDelete26 games in 8 years at Wake Forest? I don't follow college ball very closely and have no idea who that school plays, but damn, that's pretty ugly..
ReplyDeleteI'm in the give him a chance crowd. Mostly for the reasons a) what else can I do, and b) the reasons you gave about Detroit not being a destination for quality coaches. This is probably the best the Lions can do. If he can get the team to stop taking incredibly stupid penalties (especially idiotic personal fouls), which I believe is a coaching thing, that would be a huge step. Other things, like Stafford throwing to the wrong team and Bush's fumble to run ratio, are player issues, and I personally don't believe the best coach in the world can affect that. At this stage pro football players should be skilled enough to do the basics.
The 2nd half meltdown was not coaching, in my opinion, it is squarely on the players. I spent the whole season defending them against the 'same old Lions' rap, and then they pull this horse shit? The division was handed to them on a fucking platter this year. I am pissed.
My feelings about the Lions season this year? Go Wings..
Stafford has to shoulder and sidearm some blame, but coaching was definitely a factor. I watch every pro game I can and I think the Lions get some personal foul calls and roughing the passers that are just fiction.
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