The NFL owes me and every Lions fan an apology. Pete Morelli owes us a huge apology for being a deceitful, disingenuous, hyperbolic ("a hundred miles away"), sorry excuse for a sports official. He's either completely incompetent, or he's covering for someone above him. {If you haven't seen the play, you can find it all over this happy little glowing box. The play in question occurred at 8:18 of the fourth quarter of the Lions vs the Cowboys 1/4/2015..
Fuck it, I'll link it for you even though I'm feeling about as charitable as Ebenezer Scrooge on tax day in divorce court.
We could have gotten an apology last night. We didn't. We are not going to get one, verbal or otherwise. But much like Kobe Bryant allegedly banging that Colorado hotel worker in the ass without consent, then buying his wife a diamond the size of section 102 of the Staples Center, a verbal apology would not have been enough. I don't care if Roger Goodell delivered the apology while getting an Eminem tattoo on his neck and drinking a Faygo.
Here are just a few suggestions as to what the NFL could do to mitigate their guilt and ease the pain of a city and Lions fan around the globe (maybe there are none in Marrakech, but there are Lions fans a bunch of places).
In no particular order:
- Make what Anthony Hitchens did legal for the entire 2015-2016 season. Allow defensive players one tug on the receiver's jersey per play, with no limitations (yards from the scrimmage line, ball in the air, etc). Allow them one shove with the ball in the air, and allow them to flail wildly in any manner without ever attempting to even look at the football. If the play by Hitchens in the wild card game was legal, regardless of the fact that many officials on the field felt that it wasn't, accept those actions as legal across the board. The league's competition committee has done everything to boost scoring other than adding a 5th down, outlawing punting (though after Sam Martin's shank that went three and a half Tyrion Lannisters I might not mind that so much)
or making the field 80 yards. If Hitchens play is truly legal, aggregate scoring will plummet. But Jimmy, that's not what the league wants, you just said it.
No, it isn't what the league wants. So why, then, did they want it last night ? I could list dozens of conspiracy theories, and they'd all come back to one thing: Money. Jerry Jones's money, the league's TV and merchandise money, and more importantly, Vegas's money. Simple math: More people live and work in the greater Dallas area and identify with advertisers/focus groups as football fans than there are in the greater Detroit area. The reason that there is not greater uproar is that the call did not fuck the Vegas sports books. Detroit was getting a minimum of 6 points and leading by 3 at the time. If they continue to march down the field and score, Vito Abramowitz and Schmuley Rigatoni at the Mirage don't care because the Lions are already up. If Dallas gets the ball back and scores a touchdown to win it, they still don't care because the Lions still win on the point line (which, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, is exactly what happened). It doesn't affect them in the least. If it did, you can bet your Joique Bell replica security guard uniform that the party boys in the NFL "Officiating" War Room never would have let that decision happen. Did you know that NFL on field officials wear communications headsets ? You do now. So it smacks of being scripted, much like pro wrestling and 99% of the reality shows out there. So bag it, change the storyline and let defensive backs flail around Like DiCaprio looking for driftwood in the North Atlantic. Make what Hitchens did legal, and it will be fun for Lions fans who can still stomach the WWEFootballShow to see Tony Romo and Jason Witten throw tantrums for half a season until they realize how Matt Stafford and Brandon Pettigrew felt.
-Hire full time officials. My buddy Mike Grose from NBC Sports Radio 1060 in Phoenix is the guy who brought this up to me. All the guys on the field in the black and white do it as a part time gig. In other words, they are civilians with real life responsibilities. The NFL can more than afford to hire full time guys, who have to answer to some sort of governing board made up of retired players and coaches operating independently of the soiled panty shield of the NFL. (Mike is far too mature to make a crack like that. That's all me. I'm pissed and depressed and I'm manstruating and I'll use all the prurient sophomoric references I want, thanks).
So the Lions season is assassinated, thanks to an obviously, perhaps purposely botched call . Jack Ruby ain't gonna shoot Pete Morelli, though I would laugh if I heard Morelli passed a kidney stone the size of a dinner platter sharpened like a bo shuriken. Because that's pretty much what it felt like for Lions fans yesterday.
Fuck it, I'll link it for you even though I'm feeling about as charitable as Ebenezer Scrooge on tax day in divorce court.
We could have gotten an apology last night. We didn't. We are not going to get one, verbal or otherwise. But much like Kobe Bryant allegedly banging that Colorado hotel worker in the ass without consent, then buying his wife a diamond the size of section 102 of the Staples Center, a verbal apology would not have been enough. I don't care if Roger Goodell delivered the apology while getting an Eminem tattoo on his neck and drinking a Faygo.
Here are just a few suggestions as to what the NFL could do to mitigate their guilt and ease the pain of a city and Lions fan around the globe (maybe there are none in Marrakech, but there are Lions fans a bunch of places).
In no particular order:
- Make what Anthony Hitchens did legal for the entire 2015-2016 season. Allow defensive players one tug on the receiver's jersey per play, with no limitations (yards from the scrimmage line, ball in the air, etc). Allow them one shove with the ball in the air, and allow them to flail wildly in any manner without ever attempting to even look at the football. If the play by Hitchens in the wild card game was legal, regardless of the fact that many officials on the field felt that it wasn't, accept those actions as legal across the board. The league's competition committee has done everything to boost scoring other than adding a 5th down, outlawing punting (though after Sam Martin's shank that went three and a half Tyrion Lannisters I might not mind that so much)
No, it isn't what the league wants. So why, then, did they want it last night ? I could list dozens of conspiracy theories, and they'd all come back to one thing: Money. Jerry Jones's money, the league's TV and merchandise money, and more importantly, Vegas's money. Simple math: More people live and work in the greater Dallas area and identify with advertisers/focus groups as football fans than there are in the greater Detroit area. The reason that there is not greater uproar is that the call did not fuck the Vegas sports books. Detroit was getting a minimum of 6 points and leading by 3 at the time. If they continue to march down the field and score, Vito Abramowitz and Schmuley Rigatoni at the Mirage don't care because the Lions are already up. If Dallas gets the ball back and scores a touchdown to win it, they still don't care because the Lions still win on the point line (which, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, is exactly what happened). It doesn't affect them in the least. If it did, you can bet your Joique Bell replica security guard uniform that the party boys in the NFL "Officiating" War Room never would have let that decision happen. Did you know that NFL on field officials wear communications headsets ? You do now. So it smacks of being scripted, much like pro wrestling and 99% of the reality shows out there. So bag it, change the storyline and let defensive backs flail around Like DiCaprio looking for driftwood in the North Atlantic. Make what Hitchens did legal, and it will be fun for Lions fans who can still stomach the WWEFootballShow to see Tony Romo and Jason Witten throw tantrums for half a season until they realize how Matt Stafford and Brandon Pettigrew felt.
-Hire full time officials. My buddy Mike Grose from NBC Sports Radio 1060 in Phoenix is the guy who brought this up to me. All the guys on the field in the black and white do it as a part time gig. In other words, they are civilians with real life responsibilities. The NFL can more than afford to hire full time guys, who have to answer to some sort of governing board made up of retired players and coaches operating independently of the soiled panty shield of the NFL. (Mike is far too mature to make a crack like that. That's all me. I'm pissed and depressed and I'm manstruating and I'll use all the prurient sophomoric references I want, thanks).
-Wanna talk money ? The NFL has an enormously well funded charitable arm. Divert some of that money to the Detroit area. Why ? That decision cost thousands of Detroit area service industry personnel hundreds of thousands of dollars. It wasn't exactly BP turning every oyster in the Gulf into 10W30, but trust me, most Detroit area sports fans are not gonna make a special trip to their local tavern to watch Richard Sherman go Straight Outta Compton on some smokin' hot sideline reporter after pickin' Cam Newton. I'm not saying Roger Goodell should start sending checks to every bartender at The Townsend, but as a gesture of goodwill and an admission of guilt, it would be nice if The Capuchin Soup Kitchen got a fat check. Yeah, I know, dream on.
If you're so inclined, you can write 'em one yourself.So the Lions season is assassinated, thanks to an obviously, perhaps purposely botched call . Jack Ruby ain't gonna shoot Pete Morelli, though I would laugh if I heard Morelli passed a kidney stone the size of a dinner platter sharpened like a bo shuriken. Because that's pretty much what it felt like for Lions fans yesterday.
The Lions aren't my team of choice, and I usually don't even watch their games, but even I yelled out "bull fuckin' shit" when they picked that flag up. I know what it feels like (kinda) and the worst part is, nothing is ever done about it. They just shrug and wait for the yelling to subside. Fuckers.
ReplyDeleteThis one is going to be with them just as long as The Immaculate Reception, and that was a complete fluke. Hitchens' play was a mundane pass interference, until it wasn't. The league caused their own grief this time.
DeleteWah wah wah, put your tampon in and call your mother to cry about it. Yeah, the Lions got totally jobbed by the zebras on ONE PLAY, but what's the excuse for all their other screw-ups?
DeleteDid the refs cause the Lions defender to make that unnecessary roughness hit? Did the refs cause our retarded Lion who passed on the touchback to run it out to the 4 and get tackled? Was it the refs who stopped the Detroit run in the second half or batted down Stafford's passes at will or kicked a TEN YARD PUNT?!?!?!?
Did the refs cause Stafford to always wait until there's 4 seconds left on the play clock to decide he wants to say something to the line and get a delay of game? Oh, he was hoping Dallas would jump offside and gift them the 1st down? A winning team would've shook it off like Taylor Swift and gotten the 1st down. Dallas was 4th and 6 and rather than punt, they manned up and threw a 21-yard pass. That's what winners do. Losers hope someone will jump off and save them the hassle of doing anything. Dallas made adjustments during the half. Detroit was looking up Yelp reviews for restaurants in next week's city. Whoops. There were FOUR quarters to play.
Blaming the refs is a loser's move. Don't be a loser and stop sticking up for the effing Lions. They are and forever will be losers. Period. It's the Lions should be paying the bartenders for their failure. Again, the call was BS and if the NFL put in the fix to save "America's Team" it was totally unnecessary because the Lions were sure to piss it away without intervention.
This was not a case of a "bad call" or a "non-call". This was a case of the officiating crew, led by a referee who stated "it's not my responsibility", inexplicably changing an announced decision. It bears discussing for that reason alone. It happened to impact my hometown team. I will not apologize for being angry. But not once did I say "the Lions would have won IF". I am making observations--not crying- and will continue to do so.
ReplyDelete