I was listening to the Red Wings/Blue Jackets game in the kitchen while I was tearing at a leftover rotisserie chicken. I almost choked twice. I am not exaggerating, or trying to be funny. I was eating haphazardly, listening to Ken Kal's play by play. I'm pretty convinced the second time it happened I swallowed a piece of bone roughly the size of of a golf tee.
I'm not kidding, nor do I use that little jab lightly.
The Wings are looking seriously like their fantastic post season streak is over.
It's too late in the season for excuses. Guys with 20 or more NHL games who under normal circumstances would still be Griffins can't be forgiven for playing like Peter Griffin. Yes, they've been mostly above average, but two consecutive games they have (as an entire unit) been less watchable than a Lena Dunham/Magic Burger King sex tape.
Actually, I have respect for Lena Dunham. At least she is having a positive impact on the game she's involved in. Shit, she's the Bobby Orr of naked overweight girls.
The only games the Wings are impacting are the foursomes that are gonna get bumped for their tee times in a few weeks.
Even on radio, it seemed that the chicken on my counter wasn't the only carcass being shredded.
They didn't play like a team that just traded away prospects and draft picks, a move that will almost certainly be Ken Holland's Doyle Alexander for John Smoltz trade. Those deadline deals are supposed to solidify a team's playoff roster, and this team looks about as ready for a long run as Melissa McCarthy after Easter dinner.
I bet the Wings tonight. In the crazy world of gambling, the Wings were getting 1 1/2 goals if you were willing to wager a lot of money to make a small profit. That means they could have lost to the Columbus Blue Jackets (why in Bo's name does anything in Columbus have the word 'Blue' attached to it ?) by one goal, and I still win. Down by two late and it's still an entertaining hockey game. They were not even capable of providing 60 minutes of entertaining hockey with the damn fictional, hypothetical advantage provided to us by a the good people of Las Vegas, Nevada.
I sincerely hope the Wings keep the streak alive, which will be kinda like having sex with the actor in the Burger King costume: just to say they did. Because Lena Dunham will win another Golden Globe before they win another playoff series.
And instead of listening to Ken Kal, I'll be listening to NPR, hoping, just maybe, I'll get some good tips for chicken choking.
I'm not kidding, nor do I use that little jab lightly.
The Wings are looking seriously like their fantastic post season streak is over.
It's too late in the season for excuses. Guys with 20 or more NHL games who under normal circumstances would still be Griffins can't be forgiven for playing like Peter Griffin. Yes, they've been mostly above average, but two consecutive games they have (as an entire unit) been less watchable than a Lena Dunham/Magic Burger King sex tape.
Actually, I have respect for Lena Dunham. At least she is having a positive impact on the game she's involved in. Shit, she's the Bobby Orr of naked overweight girls.
The only games the Wings are impacting are the foursomes that are gonna get bumped for their tee times in a few weeks.
Even on radio, it seemed that the chicken on my counter wasn't the only carcass being shredded.
They didn't play like a team that just traded away prospects and draft picks, a move that will almost certainly be Ken Holland's Doyle Alexander for John Smoltz trade. Those deadline deals are supposed to solidify a team's playoff roster, and this team looks about as ready for a long run as Melissa McCarthy after Easter dinner.
I bet the Wings tonight. In the crazy world of gambling, the Wings were getting 1 1/2 goals if you were willing to wager a lot of money to make a small profit. That means they could have lost to the Columbus Blue Jackets (why in Bo's name does anything in Columbus have the word 'Blue' attached to it ?) by one goal, and I still win. Down by two late and it's still an entertaining hockey game. They were not even capable of providing 60 minutes of entertaining hockey with the damn fictional, hypothetical advantage provided to us by a the good people of Las Vegas, Nevada.
I sincerely hope the Wings keep the streak alive, which will be kinda like having sex with the actor in the Burger King costume: just to say they did. Because Lena Dunham will win another Golden Globe before they win another playoff series.
And instead of listening to Ken Kal, I'll be listening to NPR, hoping, just maybe, I'll get some good tips for chicken choking.
If the streak ends I'll be lost.
ReplyDeleteI will be seriously depressed, but on the flip side of that, I'm not gonna count on it minus Hank and Pavel
DeleteIt is just sad. I would rather give the burger king a handy than watch them the way they are playing.
ReplyDeleteIt ain't pretty. And all the yapping we'll hear that they only had the streak because the West was soft will make me wanna flame broil puke.
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