Friday, June 6, 2014

PK Subban Will Fly to San Antonio with Some Magnesium and Kleenex. Coach.

The video below is hockey. There are many, many more examples of this kind of mental and physical fortitude. If you are not already aware of the lengths to which Steve Yzerman went to stay on the ice, read up on it. Some of the surgeries he had sound almost medieval.
Trust me, Bobby Baun did not make enough money or endorsements from his NHL career to be able to retire to luxury (or at all ) with a limp.




Tonight in pro basketball. The biggest star in the game. A guy who orchestrated transactions for his own dream team. A guy who will never ever have to have a day job again in his life.  Quoting ESPN:
"(Lebron) James exited the game with 7:31 remaining in the fourth quarter because of cramping but returned with 3:59 left for one play, finishing a driving layup. He signaled to come out immediately after, limping to the bench before having to be carried off".
I won't even put his picture up here. Anyone who gives their money to that sorry charade--I'd rather watch some B-lister play charades on Hollywood Game Night, just so ya know-- might as well launch a Kickstarter to get Tommy Lee a dick extension.
The Larry O'Brien Trophy means nothing to NBA players anymore except the sports drink endorsements that go along with them. Isn't that ironic ? These miracle elixirs that are supposed to ward off things like cramps ?
Be honest: If you're a casual NBA fan did you even know it was called the Larry O'Brien Trophy ? You know what the Stanley Cup means to hockey players in at least 8 nations: Everything.
Whatever the NBA had is lost in a sea of wealth and privilege and individual desires, not efforts.
Their biggest ambassador hung a sign from the embassy tonight that says "Why Do You Care? We Don't".
And guess what, the sports drink industry does have an opinion on the alleged "superstar":
http://www.cbssports.com/nba/eye-on-basketball/24581790/gatorade-twitter-account-trolls-lebron-james-over-cramping



Thursday, June 5, 2014

World Cup 2014: After the US and Ghana Advance, He Wants to Meet Tonya Harding

The World Cup is just around the corner and that can only mean two things:
Guys whose moms still have their socks framed from the CYO basketball game in which they poured in 6 points will complain that there's not enough scoring, and witch doctors.
Wait, witch doctors?
{As sensitive as people are now, I'm sure there is a more polite term for 'witch doctor' that I'm completely oblivious to, so if you'd like to comment and tell me what it is-feel free, just skip the story about how your uncle the non-traditional physician with the cauldron couldn't get into Harvard Med School and had to drive a cab and got shot and now has a prosthetic bone through his prosthetic nose}.
Or whatever.


                                   Kwaku Bonsam:Probably closer to a real doctor than Phil

Yeah, I didn't make that up.
According to dozens of sources, a Ghanian witch doctor is not only taking credit for Cristiano Ronaldo's  knee injury, he claims he has dogs helping him concoct a potion to make the injury worse, and even move it around to make it more difficult to treat.
I don't think I even got my first aid ribbon at summer camp, but I'm inclined to think that Crissy's patellar tendinosis  just may have been caused by the unforgiving turf that he flails to every time a Barcelona supporter opens a beer to roughly.
I am worried the good doctor just became the Salman Rushdie of Portugal, but I applaud his efforts.
Crissy is such a sensitive head case that when (if?) the winner of the Ballon d'Or ( French for tears of a clown) gets on the pitch in Brazil he might actually be distracted by the voodoo. He may even miss a few scheduled tantrums.
The US also happens to be in Group G along with Germany, Portugal and Ghana and they are gonna need all the help they can get to advance.
In 1980 at Lake Placid, Al Michaels famously said "Do you believe in miracles ? Yes!"
Don't discount other people's belief systems just because they are different from yours and apparently involve dog urine.
In 2014 in Brazil, do I believe in Kahwiri Kapam ? Maybe.


Wednesday, June 4, 2014

2014 Stanley Cup Finals: Farewell Ron MacLean

Sports media and marketers love to dub everything "The Road to" or "The Quest for". Tonight is the first game of Stanley Cup Finals, and among other things, that signifies the uncharted, dusty path down to Ron MacLean's departure from Hockey Night in Canada.
The 2014 Cup final is also a coast to coast, NYC vs LA final, which not only gives the series a touch more glamour, it means the same marketers that conjure up crap like "The Freeway of Love to The Chase for The Boulevard of Glory" can keep their Cialis on ice because two huge markets is a built in hard-on for 'em. Lot's of "households" will be watching, and that's good for business.
As I type this, CBC commentator Elliotte Friedman admitted to colleague P. J. Stock that he was jazzing up his preview to appeal to viewers on both coasts "for the advertisers".


But screw that. This is the greatest team sport in North America. It doesn't need marquee stars like the ones that virtually run the Nattering Billionaire Alliance and , not coincidentally, wind up in the Finals year after year.
There are many reasons to watch that have nothing to do with Broadway, Hollywood, advertisers, or slogans.
-The winners don't just get to pose with the trophy. They get their name etched on it. Forever.
-It's the only one of the Big 4 with true sudden death overtime. (Walk off HR? Not if you're the road team).
-Ron MacLean between periods, who has never gotten enough credit for his ability to keep the beloved Don Cherry from going completely off the decorum and continuity rails.
-Warren Buffett has nothing on me.I'll bet you a triillion dollars that Wayne Gretzky's former team wins the series.